“I
strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for
most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the
cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation
but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates
long-term heartache.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng)
Elder Oaks makes it clear that divorce should be a last
resort for marital difficulties. Too
often divorce is perceived as the easy way out of a difficult
relationship. No fault divorce makes the
process less expensive and more easily obtainable. Because divorce is commonplace and holds
little social stigma in most communities, individuals can be easily deceived into
believing it’s their best option.
Elder Faust speaks about the “train of consequences” that
result from divorce (“Father, Come Home,” Ensign,
May 1993, 35) I still remember the hurt
and confusion I felt when my father told me he was divorcing my mom. My parents had never fought or given any
signs of unhappiness or discord. Dad had
“fallen out of love” with Mom and somehow thought his eleven-year-old daughter
(and blind-sided wife of 16 years) should be able to understand that. I know he felt like he was making the best
choice for his happiness, but what he did was attach cars of distrust,
confusion, hurt and financial strain to our family’s train of
consequences.
Most disturbing of the consequences of divorce is its
far-reaching ripple effect; divorce affects generations of a family. Because my husband’s parents were also divorced
before we married, none of our children’s generation was able to build close
relationships with their grandparents.
The grandparents all had to work with little vacation time, lived in
small homes where our families could not easily go to visit, and the some chose
lifestyles that were not family focused.
To this day, both of our fathers (who are still working in their late
70’s) have little time, energy or interest for their grandchildren and
great-grandchildren.
President Kimball said, “…only those who believe deeply and
actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of
the gathering evil around us.” My husband and I committed
to break the divorce trend that our grandparents began and our parents and
uncles perpetuated. We agreed, before marriage, that divorce was not an option
for us and committed to do everything in our power to keep our marriage
strong. We have built our marriage on
the covenants we made in the temple and on our faith that the Lord whose power
sealed us together has the power and knowledge and ability to make our marriage
work as long as we rely on Him
