Thoughts about Divorce

     “I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng)

     Elder Oaks makes it clear that divorce should be a last resort for marital difficulties.  Too often divorce is perceived as the easy way out of a difficult relationship.  No fault divorce makes the process less expensive and more easily obtainable.  Because divorce is commonplace and holds little social stigma in most communities, individuals can be easily deceived into believing it’s their best option. 

     Elder Faust speaks about the “train of consequences” that result from divorce (“Father, Come Home,” Ensign, May 1993, 35)  I still remember the hurt and confusion I felt when my father told me he was divorcing my mom.  My parents had never fought or given any signs of unhappiness or discord.  Dad had “fallen out of love” with Mom and somehow thought his eleven-year-old daughter (and blind-sided wife of 16 years) should be able to understand that.  I know he felt like he was making the best choice for his happiness, but what he did was attach cars of distrust, confusion, hurt and financial strain to our family’s train of consequences. 

     Most disturbing of the consequences of divorce is its far-reaching ripple effect; divorce affects generations of a family.  Because my husband’s parents were also divorced before we married, none of our children’s generation was able to build close relationships with their grandparents.  The grandparents all had to work with little vacation time, lived in small homes where our families could not easily go to visit, and the some chose lifestyles that were not family focused.  To this day, both of our fathers (who are still working in their late 70’s) have little time, energy or interest for their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  

     President Kimball said, “…only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”  My husband and I committed to break the divorce trend that our grandparents began and our parents and uncles perpetuated. We agreed, before marriage, that divorce was not an option for us and committed to do everything in our power to keep our marriage strong.  We have built our marriage on the covenants we made in the temple and on our faith that the Lord whose power sealed us together has the power and knowledge and ability to make our marriage work as long as we rely on Him