Thursday, November 8, 2018

Fixing Myself


In the April 1989 General Conference, President Hinckley read a talk that President Benson had written for the Church.  President Benson’s health was failing and like so many prophets before him, he left us an example of humility and a legacy of faith.  President Benson’s remarks were bold.  In his introduction, he said, “Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance.”  He left little room for any of us to claim ignorance by the time the talk was finished.  
When I finished reviewing the talk this time, the first thought that came to mind was H. Wallace Goddard’s postscript to his chapter about humility and repentance in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  “If, as you read this chapter, you found yourself thinking how much your partner needs it, I encourage you to re-read the chapter with yourself in mind.”  That echoed President Benson who said, “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves.”   I had seen others, not just my spouse, in much of the reading.  I realized how often I’ve been guilty of seeing their pride and trying to “fix it” rather than focusing on my own issues. 
 President Benson taught, “The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily.”  Um, yeah.  When my husband and I took our vacation last month, one morning we were visiting with other guests over breakfast when one mentioned that she lived just outside Houston, TX.  I replied that our daughter had lived there a few years ago and loved it.  A bit later someone else mentioned Pennsylvania and I again commented that our daughter-in-law had lived there and couldn’t wait for the trip back to show off the area to our son this Fall.  After we’d been driving for a while, my husband said, “Can I teach you something about being a missionary?”  He corrected me (very kindly) for not saying that our kids had served missions for our church in those areas.  That, he said, may have opened a door for further discussion or testifying about the restored Gospel.  I was already feeling disappointed in myself, because I’d ignored that exact prompting, both times!  But when he gently pointed it out, my pride kicked in.  It took about an hour before the tension in the car dissipated and I was sufficiently humble to acknowledge my mistake.  
Pride.  I had no reason to be upset with R.  I already knew I’d made a mistake and he was being kind and loving.   John Gottman states, “Accepting influence is an attitude, but it’s also a skill that you can hone if you pay attention to how you relate to your spouse.  Gratefully, I’m married to an “emotionally intelligent” man.  We both have moments where we put on the armor of pride, but humility is a trait we both desire.  The best way to “pay attention” as Gottman instructs, is to pray for it, frequently. 
.  H. Wallace Goddard said it well, “The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others.  God has asked us to do the opposite.  We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others.”  My re-read gave me plenty to work on; enough that I don’t have time to worry about fixing anyone else.

Benson, E.T. (1989).  Beware of pride.  Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng   

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